I met someone. Her name is Tink. We met on instagram, then talked on snaochat and eventually developed feelings for one another. We talk about everything. Life, love, depression, God, and sex. She has been making me so happy that I can’t wait to get home to talk to her.

She doesn’t live here. She lives in Maryland and I’m in Alabama.

One day we were talking and she mentioned to me how she didn’t want me to talk about my adventures with anyone else anymore. It made me feel like she laid down some rules for our situation. It made me feel cared for and wanted. It also made me sad that I couldn’t talk to her about those things. She made boundaries that I didn’t want with her, I wanted to talk about everything, but I didn’t want to hurt her feelings either so in the same moment I realized I had real feelings for her too.

That same week my mind was everywhere. I was questioning what we were doing liking one another from so far. Is this going to turn in to something? Am I supposed to do whatever I wanna do and still call her? Is it possible to break her heart if I begin dating someone else? How would I tell her?

And with all of that I decided I would go and meet her. It was December 11, 2015 when I first saw her. I was so nervous and because the weather was funky no one knew whether to have the air on or the heat so the airport was hot. When I turned around to see her it was like I was a little girl. She was so nice and carried by bags to the car. Her light complexion was singing under the airport lights. Her smile made me smile, and when she hugged me…man my loins quivered. When I put my sleep seat belt on she handed me a bottle of Jose Quervo, and I began to drink. She rubbed on my thigh, and even tickled my chin. I wasn’t uncomfortable and to be honest it was like meeting my old lover after a few years apart.

We made it to the hotel and she climbed on top of me and kissed me, it was so sweet and minty. She looked me in my eyes and laughed “I kissed you first”. We ordered pizza and tapped our additional bottle of Jose and had the most silliest, black out sex ever lol.

I only stayed the weekend but we watched movies and shared life stories.

When it was time to leave I wasn’t sure if it would amount to anything. I sat in the car as she filled her tank, and when she got in she said “Hey Bee.” And I replied “Hey Tee.” She told me good morning and leaned over to kiss me. In that moment butterflies in my stomach fluttered and I didn’t want to leave her.

We arrived at the airport, she kissed me again, the flutters happened, she hugged me and I could feel the tears swell in the corners of my eyes. I watched her pull off, and after a few hours of waiting for my flight I cried tears of joy and sadness. Joy, because I was happy I met her, and sadness because I knew I would only be breaking my own heart.

I don’t know what we’re doing now. I’m too nervous to ask. I want her here with me. I can’t do this back and forth for too long.

She’s a great friend and lover, I just don’t want my feelings to evolve and it become just another sad love song.

Idk what to do. I just know I missed her before I met her.



2 thoughts on “Novocane

  1. Beeeee you’re in love. I’m happy for you. Mad you can to Maryland and didn’t speak! As much as people say, take it slow distance does suck and causes a strain but think about it every time you see her it’ll be like see her for the first time again. If I come to Alabama anytime soon she can ride in my trunk cuz idk her like that lol.

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